​A Practice of Intimate Relationships
親密關係的練習

◥How a Society Changes

The rise of women's rights, from the liberation of labor in the Industrial Revolution, the need for women to enter the workplace during the First World War, and the subsequent social movement for various rights, affected the development of the former patriarchal society. In his book "The Transformation of Intimacy", British sociologist Giddens suggests that the male-centered model and habits of the past have changed, affecting the traditional concept of the family and the rules of love, and that in the era when people are focusing on the pursuit of self-ful fillment, a new model of relationship and concepts have been developed, which is referred to as a "pure relationship" in the book. Compared to the previous model of love, a pure relationship does not have commitment and exists only when both parties are satisfied, and either party can break the relationship at any time.

Therefore, society has changed a lot in terms of structure, concepts, behaviors, and especially in terms of relationships.

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◥Maladjustment Caused By Social Changes

"The Straight Men Behavior Research Group” is a fan page with about 190,000 followers on Face book(as of November 2023), which accepts contributions from readers, most of which are screen shots of conversations with straight men. "The word "straight" , which originally referred to a man with a female sexual orientation, but later evolved to mean "a man who does not observe, speak or understand the moods of human" (Straight man - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (wikipe dia.org)).

In this fan page, we can see that the "straight men" in it have very different values from their inter locutors, sometimes they are self-centered, sometimes they belittle each other when they disagree with each other, etc., and their interlocutors feel angry, puzzled, or puzzled about them. Therefore, we can see that nowadays, when equal rights for men and women have been empha sized for a long time, different, even very different values still exist, and they exist among similar age groups. In a state where values influence behavior, many people are maladjusted. Is it possible that the patience and dissatisfaction formed over the years are silently influencing our society?

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◥Humanity

《The Selfish Gene》 is a famous book by biologist Charles Dawkins, which explains the behavioral tendencies of many animals by focusing on the continuity of genes. The book mentions the strate gies of men and women in offspring reproduction. In order to maximize benefits, men will tend to rush to find other females to mate, and females will tend to lie to other males that their children are theirs in exchange for more care; therefore, men and women will have a period of interaction before they have their offspring, with females confirming that males are paying for them and males con firming that the females are not pregnant with other people's children.

Therefore, men and women (other gender identities and sexual orientations will not be discussed here for the time being) have reasonable reasons for being together, but they have their own con siderations and purposes. Looking back at modern monogamy, it almost breaks through the limita tions of natural inclination, and is jointly formulated by human society based on various consider ations. Marriage has become a "should-do" rather than just for the purpose of reproducing offspring, and protecting the value of marriage has become a unique task.

Intimate relationships are an important part of human survival in society. Whether or not we still have the genetic memories left to us by our ancient ancestors, how we choose between instinct and sociality, and what kind of intimate relationships can maintain stability and help human mental health in the complex system of social development, there is a lot of room for discussion. In my work, I propose a possibility, which is the beginning of pointing out the problem and the starting point of imagination.

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◥社會如何啟動轉變

女性權利的崛起，從工業革命解放勞力、第一次世界大戰時女性進入職場的需求，到後來各式權利的爭取，影響了原先父權社會的發展。
英國社會學家紀登斯在著作《親密關係的轉變- 現代社會的性愛慾》中提出，以往為男性為中心的模式與習慣已改變，也影響了傳統的家庭概念與戀愛規則，在人們注重追求自我實現的時代，也發展出新的關係模式與觀念，在書中稱此關係為「純粹關係」，相較於以往的戀愛模式，純粹關係不具有承諾，且只在雙方都滿意時存在，任何一方能隨時中斷這樣的關係。

 

◥社會轉變所造成的適應不良
「直男行為研究社」是一個擁有約 19 萬(截至 2023 年 11 月)追蹤者的粉絲專頁，內容接受讀者投稿，大多是與直男的對話內容截圖。「直男」一詞的「直」來自於英文的 「straight」，直男原指性傾向為女性的男性，後來漸漸演變出「不察言觀色、不巧言令色或不解風情的男人」(直男 - 維基百科，自由的百科全書 (wikipedia.org))的意思。 在這個粉絲專頁中，可以看出裡面的「直男」與其對話者非常不同的價值觀，有時自我中心、有時意見相左時會貶低對方等，與之對話者對其會感到憤怒、疑惑或不解。因此我們可 以看出，在男女平權已經被強調許久的今天，不同的，甚至是差異極大的價值觀依舊存在， 且存在在相似的年齡層間。在價值觀影響行為的狀態下，就會造成許多人的適應不良，這樣經年累月形成的忍耐、不滿，是不是默默地影響著我們的社會呢?

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◥人的本性 《自私的基因》是生物學家 Charles Dawkins 的著名著作，書中以基因的延續為主軸，解 釋了許多生物行為傾向。書中提到男女在後代繁衍上的策略，為了利益最大化，男性會傾向 趕快去找其他雌性交配，而雌性會傾向騙其他男性孩子是他的來換取更多照顧；所以男女在 擁有子代前會有一段交往的時間，女性確認男性有所付出，而男性確認女性沒有懷上別人的 孩子。 因此，男性和女性（其他性別認同、性傾向先不再此討論）有在一起的合理理由，卻是各有 考量和目的。回頭看現代的一夫一妻制，幾乎是突破了自然的傾向限制，由人類社會基於各 種考量共同制定，結婚變成一種「應該要做的事」而不只是為了繁衍後代；守護婚姻價值變 成獨特的任務。